


we can try this love again...

by MandoGab



Category: Star Wars: Rebels, Star Wars: The Clone Wars (2008) - All Media Types
Genre: Angst, Before Atinla, Bo-Fenn, Bo-Katan Needs a Hug, Death Watch (mentioned), Drunk Bo-Katan, F/M, Fenn Rau needs a hug, Mandalore, Mando'a Language (Star Wars), Memories, Post-Star Wars Rebels: Heroes of Mandalore, Sad with a Happy Ending, They need more love, ne'tra gal, relationships in the background
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-14
Updated: 2021-01-14
Packaged: 2021-03-18 09:36:19
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,034
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28741131
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MandoGab/pseuds/MandoGab
Summary: Throughout her life, Bo-Katan made a lot of mistakes, hurt many people, and left someone she loved very much. After all the years, she gets a chance to fix everything. Sabine Wren hands her the Darksaber. Now Bo-Katan has a chance to get things right.But she needs support.Can she still count on her old friends?Can she still count on Fenn, though she has destroyed him so much?The story of Bo-Fenn
Relationships: Bo-Katan Kryze/Fenn Rau
Comments: 8
Kudos: 9





	we can try this love again...

**Author's Note:**

  * For [karabast_creations](https://archiveofourown.org/users/karabast_creations/gifts), [ZeldaRose579](https://archiveofourown.org/users/ZeldaRose579/gifts), [MandoVader](https://archiveofourown.org/users/MandoVader/gifts).



_We can surrender and just move on  
We can be stubborn because we are strong  
We can pretend that what we both know ain't true  
We can try this love again_  
**"Face the truth" ~ Lucidious**

Fenn looked around the huge tent before deciding to go inside and choose a suitable place for it. At first he saw the long table at the head of which sat the new Mand'alor with his closest associates. The moment he looked at her, she was laughing out loud, sipping probably ne'tra gal, once her favorite drink. Their eyes met for a brief moment, attracting each other. She smiled gently and tucked an unruly strand behind her ear. She burst out laughing again, returning to the conversation that was going on around the table. Could this passing smile be an invitation?

"Rau!" Sabine shouted, noticing the silhouette of the Mandalorian. He looked around the room as if wondering about his possible presence. 

The girl noticed how he sighed quietly, then quickly looked away and walked towards her. Sabine was sitting at the table with Ezra, Kanan, and Tristan. The Protector attorney sat down next to the older Jedi, raising his hand, and a second later he was given alcohol. Ne'tra gal. Specialty of this part of the galaxy.

"You have to try this, Ezra. It's a traditional Mandalorian drink, if you don't want to offend anyone, you have to drink what we do," Sabine laughed, sliding a mug filled with this strange-smelling concoction across the counter, at which Ezra's mouth twitched. Tristan huffed and tilted his cup, drinking it almost immediately. Well, the young Jedi couldn't be any worse than him. As soon as he met Brother Sabine, he felt that he would not do without a little competition.

"Let's hope it tastes better than it smells," he muttered, then lifted his cup and took a small sip. The taste was… strange. Beer, dark beer, sweet dark beer with a hint of spice. Truly a Mandalorian potion. Ezra coughed softly, but wasn't about to quit.

"Nice work, kid," Fenn laughed, slowly drinking his allowance. The characteristic taste brought back memories that he tried with all his might to get rid of. So was the years on Concord Dawn as leader of the Protectors tasted. That's what Bo-Katan's mouth tasted of the first time he made love to her...

"Are you with us?" Sabine asked, waving her hand in front of Fenn's face, moments after she asked him a question and didn't answer it, staring at a point in front of her.

"Yes, yes, forgive me, I thought of something," he explained as the young people exchanged glances. "What?"

"Admit you were thinking of Lady Kryze," Ezra said. 

"Why would I? "

"You were staring at her at the entrance," Sabine remarked, looking at him expectantly. 

"Sabine," Kanan broke in, turning directly to her. He shook his head slowly, crossing his arms. She smirked but added nothing else. 

*

"How drunk are my kids?" Alrich asked, joining them an hour or two later with his wife. Ursa looked at the company and sat down next to her son, setting her cup on the table, half filled with sweet alcohol. Her husband sighed softly, but took his place beside her when she still hadn't undid their fingers, not letting him go. Kanan and Fenn looked at the brief moment with envy (though he only actually looked at the latter). 

"Urs'ika, you drank too much," he whispered as she leaned against her. Ezra exchanged a surprised look with Sabine, who was personally also shocked to have never seen her mother like this before. 

"I certainly feel better than Bo," she replied, glancing toward the woman currently dancing with one of the Mandalorians. But could it be called a dance? All the company at the table looked towards Mand'alor, who was barely standing. 

"She's damn irresponsible again," commented the Countess of Clan Wren. It was a malicious remark, but the women were friends and no one took her words seriously. Nobody but Fenn. 

"You should get her out of here," Tristan said to father, and the Protector, still staring at Bo-Katan, thought for a moment that the words were meant for him. 

"I'm having a great time," Ursa smiled. Another strange manifestation of her otherness. She must have been drunk. 

"I see it," Alrich muttered softly, so that she wouldn't hear him. 

Bo-Katan stumbled once more, quickly grabbing the random man's arm to keep from falling to the ground. She laughed out loud, catching the attention of several drunken Mandalorians. A shudder ran through Fenn's body, but he quickly looked away, trying to focus on the conversation that was going on around the table. So many words merged into single sentences that made no sense the more he thought... 

"Will you dance with me?"

Her voice cut through the tangle of other voices. He looked up to meet her eyes, and as he looked around, he saw the other eyes as well, with the same strange anticipation. 

He didn't answer, but he got up and took her hand, leading her towards an empty space (or almost empty because it was filled with other pairs). 

"You're so tense," she commented as she almost hugged him. He looked around quickly, a bit flustered. Nobody paid any particular attention to them. Everyone was busy talking or consuming dry drinks, including ne'tra gal, the smell of which wafted around her. "It's just a dance, Rau," she purred. Bo-Katan Kryze purred softly, straight into his ear. 

"You're drunk, Mand'alor," he said soberly. Moving away from her gently. He didn't want to do it, but it was the way. He was a man of honor, he was ready to respect the distance that should separate them. 

"Just a little," she said, brushing her hair aside. He wanted so much to dip his fingers in them... 

"You should rest, it's been a long day," he whispered against her ear as she clung to him again. 

"Will you escort me, Protector?" She asked, closing her eyes and smiling. 

"Of course, Mand'alor," he replied. 

He only took her helmet, which she had left on the table, and without looking back, he led her out of the tent. A gust of cool wind blasted them outside, sending a shiver down Fenn's spine. He looked at Bo-Katan, but he had the feeling that she didn't feel cold, too drawn into her own world.  
She snuggled against his shoulder as they started toward her tent. And it was like before... almost... 

_"I have to be back in the morning," she said, hugging his shoulder tightly. Fenn didn't answer, but nodded in the gloom. Bo-Katan smiled as she looked at him so she could see his face. However, the serious tone on her worried her. His mouth was tight and his eyes turned to the starry sky. She was a bit drunk and happy, he was completely sober and sullen._

_"What happen?" She finally asked when he hadn't commented on her earlier words in any way._

_"Nothing," he replied shortly, then leaned in to kiss her hair._

_"I can see. Come on, just tell me," she encouraged him, then sat down so she could see him from a different angle._

_"We have to stop this for a moment," he whispered._

_"Why? Nobody still suspects that we are together. Neither Pre nor anyone else. I didn't even tell Ursa. Nobody knows about us," Fenn, she assured her, but his soft sigh didn't make her feel any better. Her heart felt as if it were up her throat._

_"They're sending me to Kamino. I'm training Republic soldiers," he said quietly._

_She said nothing.  
She didn't know the right words, but the words he spoke made her heart crack. She couldn't imagine life without the secret trysts they had, without talking secretly, while everyone in the camp was asleep and she was flying to Concord Dawn to see him._

_They risked their lives for this relationship. Though it wasn't just a relationship. It was love.  
**Forbidden love.**  
The Protector and member of the Death Watch. Eternal enemies… for a time._

*******

He helped her sit on the bunk that replaced her bed. In Sundari, she must have slept on much more comfortable mattresses, surrounded by high-quality duvets and pillows. Here she had to be content only with a hard mattress, an uncomfortable pillow and a blanket, which was far from being a warm, soft material. Sometimes he wondered if she missed it.

He wanted to leave, but as soon as he turned around, he felt her tiny hand tighten on his wrist. He looked at her, seeing the depth of her eyes and the sadness spreading through them. His joyful laugh still echoed in his ears as they left the huge tent, only to be in its small one. 

There were tears in her eyes. 

"Stay, please," she whispered. 

"You're drunk, Bo-Katan. You need sleep," he said gently, hoping the woman would loosen her grip. However, this did not happen. 

"I need a Protector, Fenn. I need you."

Her voice was so soft and so full of sadness. 

"I'm still scared of Fenn and he keeps coming back. And it's still in my head," she whispered seriously. She let go of his wrist, placing her hands over her ears as if to cut herself off from all the sounds of the world. 

Fenn sat down next to her, afraid to put his arm around her as if the slightest touch would frighten her. 

"What are you afraid of, Bo?"

He shouldn't talk to her like that. Never again. 

"Destruction."

A whisper pierced the air. 

" I'm afraid I'll destroy us again, Fenn."

The nightmares were about the past. Their past. 

"I loved you, Fenn. I loved you so painfully. And I lost you only because I couldn't give up my selfishness!" She said aloud, getting up quickly. She threw all the words right into his eyes, but he didn't even flinch. "I'm a fucking selfish, Fenn. I couldn't walk away from Pre, telling myself that he loved me, that he was good to me, that he was counting on me. I was living a fiction! And he keeps coming back to me! It's still in my head." Her voice trembled. "I can still hear his laughter and mockery, I'm still his prisoner. I've always been... You wanted me to leave, but I couldn't. I annihilated what united us."

He looked at her in pain. Blood began to leak through the sealed wounds she had inflicted on him earlier. She was hurting him. He forgave her every time, always loving her immeasurably. 

He got up. 

He should have gone out, left her alone with the pain he felt himself. 

He could not. 

He walked over to her and closed his arms, pressing her tightly against his body. She was his destruction, but she was also his whole world. She was that part of the galaxy he had always carried within him and that he needed. 

He should have gone. 

But she pressed their fingers together and he couldn't disentangle them. Or he didn't want to. 

This familiar, pleasant warmth that he could not resist surged through his body. Their eyes filled with tears, his was real, Bo probably won't remember it. Perhaps everything would be just a dream for her. But he knew that everything she said was true. Sober, she probably would never admit it to him. 

For years he tried to forget about her as if she were just a recurring dream, nothing more. He dedicated himself to working on Concord Dawn as soon as he returned from Kamino. He did not make contact with her, displacing her from memory, though it was painful. 

Over the years, he watched his friends marry warrior Mandalorian women, grow their families and clans. He was still alone. Ne'tra gal didn't even taste the same. 

Bo-Katan has never been a dream. 

"I feel faint," she confessed, feeling her legs begin to tremble and the surroundings begin to gently spin. Fenn caught her as she nearly slumped to the floor. 

"Hey, I'm here," he whispered through his clenched throat. So many emotions at once. He needed a breath. 

"I know, I know, Fenn. You are always there when I need you," she whispered back, lying on the bunk with his help. He unfolded the blanket and covered her, then crouched beside her. She closed her eyes as her breathing calmed down. 

He fought the urge to kiss. He reached a hand to her face and pushed back the red hair that fell to her cheek. 

"Sleep well, Mand'alor," he said softly. 

He got up and left her tent. It took a few moments to reflect on everything she said. A short walk shouldn't hurt him, and perhaps it would dispel the doubts that were swirling in his head. 

He missed her.  
It was real.  
It has never been a dream.

*******

Fenn Rau was a man of honor. For years, he led a group known as the Protectors of Mandalore, serving everyone who sat on the throne as ruler. Now, Fenn was the only one who could call himself a Protector. All his companions died. Only he remained, alone, against the enemies of Mand'alor.

He would have defended her even without such a top-down obligation.  
Or maybe he would go, return with the Ghost crew to Yavin, and try to forget her again. 

He loved her, and he was sure she loved him just as much and just as truly.

*******

He remembered their first dance when he was free to wrap his arm around her waist, and there was nothing indecent in his gesture. His cheek flushed pink as their fingers pressed together slightly, and the touch of her fingers on his shoulder sent a shiver down his spine.

There was so much youthful carelessness in these little gestures, though outside wars were fought, corruption was spreading, people were dying... They just danced among other couples in the enormous hall of the Sundari Palace. Duchess Satine watched them from her throne, giving Bo-Katan meaningful glances that the younger sister tried to ignore. 

They hardly knew each other then. They exchanged a few sentences with each other. He was a newly minted commander of the Defenders, and she was the Duchess's younger sister and a teenager who was fulfilling her duties (or running away from them, as he noticed after a few days). 

He saw in her eyes the rebellious nature, war and sacrifice, but he also saw what others missed - love. She loved her sister and she loved Mandalora. Later, in those eyes, he saw her love himself. 

What kind of person does it take to eradicate this love? 

_"I didn't think I would be able to dance with you, Protector," she smiled gently as the music turned into another melody and Bo-Katan was too tired to continue dancing. They moved slightly to the side, making room for the next couple who swirled in the center of the room._

_"It was an honor, Lady Kryze," he replied, then kissed her hand nonchalantly. Bo-Katan chuckled. "Did you find something funny, lady?"_

_"Save this title for my sister. My name is Bo-Katan, that's enough. And so I stand out from courtly behavior" she said, pointing to her armor. Well, it wasn't very courtly, he had to admit._

_"Alright, Bo-Katan," he replied._

_"And you, do you have any name?" She asked. He was sure he had introduced himself when he was elected leader of the Protectors, but she was under no obligation to remember his name._

_"Fenn Rau," he replied brightly._

_She just smiled and then walked away. He didn't look after her, it didn't seem right. But he closed his eyes, imagining her swaying short red hair. With this image, he left the room a moment later, called to duty with one message._

*******

"The Countess Wren?" He asked, a bit surprised to find her in the most advanced part of the camp. She was sitting on one of the rocks, the datapad turned off in her hands. This was not the time to manage a clan, send out messages, or even check the latest information in the holonet. The moon was high now, or at least he had hoped, they hadn't seen the night sky in Mandalor. But the darkness enveloped everything around them, convincing them that it was bedtime.

"Rau? I didn't think I'd meet you here," she said. Well, he was surprised too. 

"My presence will not disturb you?" He asked, cursing silently for the way he had done it. Referring to her as "you" was still having a hard time. 

"No, actually... actually, I need some company," she replied quietly. 

Was she drunk? He couldn't tell. She was just nice, and that was enough for him to sit down next to him. 

"I'm sorry about your clan," he confessed quietly. She just nodded. 

"Now I know what it is like to lose everything once again. I got my husband back, that should count, right?" She asked softly. 

He considered her words for a moment. 

"I should be glad, because my closest family is with me again, I don't stand on the side of the Empire anymore and well... I think I got my friend back."

Fenn felt a shiver run down his spine. 

"What about her?"

"She fell asleep," he whispered without going into details. 

"You know, there's something she'll never tell you, but I think..." She trailed off, as if searching for the right words. "I think she needs someone who will always side with her," she concluded, much quieter. 

"I was hoping she still has you," he replied, but he didn't mind her past choices. 

"I will probably have to earn her full confidence, I am not surprised at all. She trusts you."

"She was drunk..."

"I'm not just talking about that one evening," she added, smiling slightly. "If you still love Bo, take care of her."

"I don't know if it's a good idea. A lot has changed, I have changed, she..."

"Did you stop loving her?" She asked, looking at him. He shook his head but said nothing. Ursa did not add anything else either. 

They sat in silence for a while, the wind blowing through their tired bodies. They were tired of the wars still going on, the fear which, though invisible on the outside, always swirled in their hearts. One quiet moment, like those of their youth. They needed one moment. 

Ursa recalled "break-ins" into an art gallery to look at unusual paintings by a young artist with whom she was in love.  
Fenn returned to Concord Dawn where he took Bo-Katan for the first time to show her his world... 

Countess Wren said goodbye to the Protector a moment later, but he too left the little rock and decided to return. He had to make a decision.

*******

He remembered their first fight. She challenged him as he stared at her during training. Sometimes he saw her hit the punching bag with precision and he had to admit that this girl had more strength than many of his friends.

He accepted the confession because he was a man of honor (and wanted to spend time with her). Was he hoping to win with a charm? No, but he didn't think Bo-Katan would put him on the floor after just two minutes. He couldn't lose, there were too many witnesses to mock him, but he couldn't hurt her either. Her blows were hard, fast, his slower but more precise. Fighting was like dancing, though he had to admit that they knew the steps much better. However, she was the master, as if she hadn't done anything else since she was a child. She impressed him. 

_"Where did you learn to fight like this?" He asked as they left the training room together. She smiled slightly, pleased with the win. And to be sure, it was a well-deserved win._

_"It's my little secret," she said softly, then took a faster pace, leaving him behind. "Are you coming?"_

_Fenn smiled and sped up._

He kissed her for the first time in her private locker room. Or rather, she kissed him.  
It was a very gentle kiss, as if she was examining his lips. The next one was stronger and the next more violent. Everything happened so fast. It took only a few days, weeks for him to lose his head for her and be able to do anything for her. 

She left the next day.  
He didn't know where or for how long. 

She sent the coordinates a day later on his private frequency. She apologized and explained the whole situation to him. He didn't blame her, on the contrary, he began to sympathize with her. He asked if he could help her. She replied that she did not. 

"Fenn."

"Yes?"

"You're the only one I can trust, right?"

He hesitated. Duty, honor, service to the ruler of Mandalore and love for this young girl. 

"Yes."

"Don't tell Satine where I am."

"Can we meet, Bo?"

She giggled. 

"Did I say something funny?"

"You called me Bo. I like it. We will meet soon."

_All right_ , he thought. 

It had involved him in something much bigger than he had expected. In all this chaos, she fell in love with him, trusted him, and one day almost became his wife. Almost. 

The decisions they made were not always good and did not always serve a higher purpose.  
They left each other behind, but took turns saving, getting out of trouble, and then falling into it again. They had not experienced a crush in their youth, but a snare of a much stronger feeling held their hearts.  
And then the feeling broke them for many years...

*******

Fenn entered the Bo-Katan's tent, hoping to see her asleep. However, she was sitting on a bunk, leaning against one of the heavy beams supporting the entire structure. He noticed that she stripped off her armor and put on much lighter clothes. An admirable act.

"You're back," she whispered through her clenched, dry throat. 

"Yes, I had to… think," he explained, then grabbed a cup of water and handed it to her. "How are you?"

"Everything is spinning and the sounds just accumulate in my head" she replied. He nodded and sat on the edge of the bunk, staring at her. She drank the water quickly, then leaned over to put the cup down. He couldn't help noticing how her T-shirt rose up to reveal a bit of her waist. Covered with bruises. Fenn frowned. 

"Have you been to the medic?" He asked softly as she sat back down and pulled her knees together, wrapping her arms around them. 

"I'm fine, Fenn. I got drunk, that's all. I'll be back on my feet soon."

"I didn't ask about that. Sabine said Saxon treated you with a weapon beam."

She sighed softly. 

"I've had worse things. Most importantly, we all came out alive," she said quietly. 

"Yes, Mand'alor," he whispered. 

"I'd rather be for you just Bo, if you don't mind."

He did not have. She smiled slightly as he looked into her eyes. She patted the seat next to her, and he accepted the invitation. He was relieved to take the pleasant weight of her head as she rested it against his shoulder. 

"You were always there for me, Fenn. Will you stay this time too?" She asked softly. 

"Yes," he replied shortly. She smiled. 

He looked at her and she looked up to meet his eyes. Calm blue eyes that she fell in love with years ago. Calm blue eyes of the Protector of Concord Dawn. 

She closed her eyes as their lips joined slowly. The lips moved in a known rhythm, and the fingers discovered the familiar warmth of their bodies as they traced their cheeks and neck. She let the tears spill out, feeling his heart beating rapidly under her hand as she directed her fingers there. 

"We can try this love again, Mand'alor," he whispered, dipping his fingers into her red hair. 

"Bo. Just Bo," she whispered back, making his face light up with a smile. 

**Author's Note:**

> This story means a lot to me.  
> Thanks for any support! ❤️


End file.
